SHORT FINAL...
The venerable Cessna 152 POH recommends testing the stall warning horn
by placing a clean cloth over the stall vent and drawing a vacuum. When
an instructor asked a student at our club how to test the stall warning
horn, he replied "place your mouth over the wing stall vent and suck
hard till the siren goes off."
The instructor then asked, "What would you do if the vent was full of bugs and such?" The student pondered for a moment and then replied, "Ask the instructor to place his mouth over the wing stall vent and suck hard till the siren goes off..."
50 Actual Newspaper Headlines
1 Something went wrong in Jet crash expert says
2 Police begin campaign to run down jaywalkers
3 Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted
4 Drunk Gets Nine Months in violin Case
5 Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents
6 Farmer Bill Dies in House
7 Iraqi Head Seeks Arms
8 Is there a Ring of Debris around Uranus
9 Stud Tires Out
10 Prostitutes Appeal to Pope
11 Panda mating fails: veterinarian takes over
12 Soviet virgin lands Short of Goal Again
13 British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands
14 Lung Cancer in Women Mushrooms
15. Eye Drops off Shelf
16. Teacher Strikes Idle Kids
17. Reagan Wins on Budget, But More Lies Ahead
18. Squad Helps Dog Bite victim
19. Shot Off Woman's Leg Helps Nicklaus to 66
20. Enraged Cow Injures Farmer with Axe
21. Plane Too Close to Ground, Crash Probe Told
22. Miners Refuse to Work after Death
23. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant
24. Stolen Painting Found by Tree
25. Two Soviet Ships Collide, One Dies
26. Two Sisters Reunited after 18 Years in Checkout Counter
27. Killer Sentenced to Die for Second Time in 10 Years
28. Never Withhold Hexpes Infection from Loved One
29. Drunken Drivers Paid $1000 in '84
30. War Dims Hope for Peace
31. If Strike isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last a While
32. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures
33. Enfields Couple Slain Police Suspect homicide
34. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridge
35. Deer Kill 17,000
36. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead
37. Man Struck by Lightning Faces Battery Charge
38. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group
39. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in spacecraft
40. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks
41. Chef Throws His Heart into Helping Feed Needy
42. Arson Suspect is Held in Massachusetts Fire
43. British Union Finds Dwarfs in Short Supply
44. Ban On Soliciting Dead in Trotwood
45. Lansing Residents Can Drop Off Trees
46. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half
47. New Vaccine May Contain Rabies
48. Man Minus ear waives hearing
49. Deaf College opens Doors to Hearing
50. Air Head Fired
From a live radio interview in Wales. A female newscaster is interviewing the leader of a Youth Club.
Newscaster: "So, Mr Jones, what are you going to teach these children on their adventure holiday?"
Youth club leader: "We're going to teach them climbing, canoeing, archery shooting"
Newscaster: "Shooting? That's a bit irresponsible, isn't it?"
Youth club leader: "I don't see how. We will be teaching them proper range discipline before they even touch a firearm and they will be properly supervised on the range."
Newscaster: "But you are equipping them to become violent killers!"
Youth club leader: "Well, you're equipped to be a prostitute but you're not one, are you?"
Needless to say, the interview was terminated immediately.
This is the transcript of an radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995.
Americans: "Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision."
Canadians: "Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision."
Americans: "This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course."
Canadians: "No. I say again, you divert YOUR course."
Americans: "THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS MISSOURI, WE ARE A LARGE WARSHIP OF THE US NAVY. DIVERT YOUR COURSE NOW!"
Canadians: "This is a lighthouse. Your call."
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews. "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews.
Squawk: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Reply: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Squawk: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Reply: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Squawk #1: "#2 Propeller seeping prop fluid."
Reply #1: "#2 Propeller seepage normal."
Squawk #2: "#1, #3, and #4 propellers lack normal seepage."
Squawk: "The autopilot doesn't."
Signed off: "IT DOES NOW."
Squawk: "Something loose in cockpit."
Reply: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Squawk: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Reply: "Evidence removed."
Squawk: "Number three engine missing."
Reply: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
Squawk: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Reply: "Volume set to more believable level."
Squawk: Dead bugs on windshield.
Reply: Live bugs on order.
Squawk: Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.
Reply: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
Squawk: IFF inoperative.
Reply: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
Squawk: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
Reply: That's what they're there for.