This is a random collection of .sig quotes that have appeared from various sources. I liked them, so I put them here. If one of them's yours, and you want it removed, drop me an email and I'll do just that. This isn't intended to he a massive collection, it's just ones that I personally like. I use some of these as sigs myself, so if you receive any mail from me you may see these:

Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet/second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.

-Dave Barry

 

News Flash: Microsoft acquires Electrolux, makes extensive design revisions. Finally releases a product that doesn't suck.

 

Windows 95: A computer virus with mouse support

 

"It's trivial to make fun of Microsoft products, but it takes a real man to make them work, and a god to make them do anything useful"

- Anonymous

 

"... it is important to realize that any lock can be picked with a big enough hammer."

- Sun System & Network Admin manual

 

"Ah! How sweet coffee tastes! Lovelier than a thousand kisses, sweeter far than muscatel wine! I must have coffee..."

- J. S. Bach

 

"The man who sets out to carry a cat by its tail learns something that will always be useful and which never will grow dim or doubtful."

- Mark Twain

 

Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question - the answer is no.

 

"The power of accurate observations is commonly called cynicism by those who haven't got it."

- George Bernard Shaw

 

We've heard that a million monkeys at a million keyboards could produce the Complete Works of Shakespeare; now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.

 

"Applying computer technology is simply finding the right wrench to pound in the correct screw."

 

"A preference for C++ is not a matter of taste, but of ignorance."

- Thant Tessman

 

"Unix is not a "A-ha" experience, it is more of a "holy-shit" experience."

- Colin McFadyen in alt.folklore.computers

 

"There are two major products that come out of Berkeley: LSD and UNIX.
We don't believe this to be a coincidence."

- Jeremy S. Anderson

 

"Computers let you make more mistakes faster than anything except handguns and tequila..."

- Mitch Ratcliffe on alt.sysadmin.recovery

 

Programming graphics in X is like finding sqrt(pi) using Roman numerals.

 

"If the idea of a protocol behaving like a rabid, diseased sex-crazed bunny rabbit appeals to you, AppleTalk is for you."

- John Kennedy, comp.dcom.sys.cisco

 

And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."

 

"Now let us retract the foreskin of misconception and apply the wire brush of enlightenment"

- Geoff Miller

 

"6. I am afraid that I'm becoming a network nerd. How can I tell for sure?"
"How many syllables do you think there are in the word "coax"?"

- Dr. Internet

 

What happens if a big asteroid hits the Earth? Judging from realistic simulations involving a sledge hammer and a common laboratory frog, we can assume it will be pretty bad.

- Dave Barry

 

Hiroshima '45
Tschernobyl '86
Windows '95

 

"... and it always was possible to measure the distance between so-called management and the so-called creative by the time it took for a memo to go in one direction and a half-brick to come back in the other."

- Dennis Potter

 

We are indeed tight-assed tyrannical bastards, and we have had much more experience dealing with people like you than you have had dealing with people like us. After all, we do it for a living.

- Mike Andrews on alt.sysadmin.recovery

 

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.